We’ve long been used to seeing fabulously rich and famous older men dating younger women, but when the age difference exceeds 30 years, you have to wonder what the hell are women thinking.
I get called names for dating older men. And since most of them are married, the list of names never ends. You know how that goes.
Gold digger, cougar, bitch, man snatcher, home wrecker, to mention but a few, are some of the familiar names I hear too often. However, despite what people say or do, my preference for older men won’t change anytime soon.
I have no shame in admitting I’m sexually attracted to intelligent older men. But of course, he has to be wealthy to make my list.
I feel confident and secure in my relationship with older men. Even when they cheat (though I don’t regard it as such) I feel liberated and at peace.
Mentally mature is one way to describe older men. I have no interest in a guy who can’t hold a good conversation, who is incapable of using his brain to articulate what happens in a movie or stand on his own two feet in the real world — taking responsibility for his life (financially and otherwise) and making a difference in the society.
Although, some women have had unpleasant experiences with older men. I have seen younger women taken advantage of by powerful older men. The older men captured the naive trust and heart of these younger women and altered the course of their lives. This is why I would never allow my 18-year-old daughter to date an older or married man.
When you are young, you hardly know what you want in a man. You can easily be manipulated by an older man. With that said, an older man dating an underage girl is not cool. But as a grown woman in her mid-twenties and above, dating older men can be a blessing and a dream.
They will humble you
I started dating older men in my late twenties after a number of failed relationships with younger men. I was in an on-and-off messy relationship with a guy I realized wasn’t the person I wanted to marry.
Romantically speaking, I was off the market. I decided I would focus on my career and figure out the love bit later. He was my boss. A redhead anarchy in his forties, who thought of no one but himself. But he was also a generous giver.
When he started making advances at me, I thought, why not? I was single and I had nothing to lose.
I admit I was a bit consumed by my own selfish concern about my life and career. Still am.
To have someone who can show me the bigger picture and level me out was like winning a lottery.
He had a solid career, his businesses were flourishing, he had direction and pointed me towards mine. With his life experiences and rationality, he certainly brought me down to earth more than once.
He thought me how to make my own rules and never bow to anyone who makes me feel unworthy. His principles encouraged me to let my core values guide how I choose and craft my relationship commitments rather than rely on social norms to dictate what is right for me.
They have a clearly defined purpose for the relationship
This is something most young men struggle with. Too many times I get the “let’s see how things go” speech when I date a younger guy.
Younger men are confused about their future. Some of them don’t even have dreams. They like to experiment to see what fits their ego and finances. Either they pretend to be nice just for sex or they manipulated you to keep you in the relationship out of their fears.
As someone who knows what she wants in a man, it’s off-putting when guys don’t know what they are looking for in a relationship.
When I meet a guy, after two dates I already know what I want from him. I already know if I want him as a friend, sex, or more. So when I’m dating a guy who lacks such discipline, it gets frustrating being with him very quickly.
With an older man, I don’t overwork my brain to know what he wants. They will tell, “baby, I’m not looking to get deep in a relationship, but we can have fun while it lasts.” They are confident in themselves, so they don’t lie to get in bed with a woman. They know there are plenty of women out there they can afford, so they are not bothered if you leave or stay.
They don’t pressure you about expectations
If you are fortunate to date a decent single guy be prepared to commit to the relationship. Actually, it’s understandable. But it’s also frustrating bringing it up too early in the relationship.
You meet a girl and in less than two months you are expecting her to play mother, wife, and best friend. They expect you to report on every activity you do daily. They want to know where you are and who is with you at any minute.
I have more freedom over my privacy with older men than I do with younger men. I don’t need to make up excuses or lie to date other people. And I certainly don’t give an account of what I do on a daily. When I share my activities of the day with an older, I do so because I want to, not out of obligation.
Although, some older have pretty high standards and they date women who match their standards. So they expect you to live up to those standards. If you can’t, you have a choice to quit and they won’t shame you for it.
But if it were a younger man, you won’t hear the end of it. They will make you feel like you are inadequate for failing to meet their standards. They often choose the wrong women and try to mold them into their fantasy image.
They are chivalrous
Most feminists will frown at this one, but I do care about petty things like pulling the chair or holding the door open for me, paying my bills, and showering me with gifts. Dating older man is glamorous because they make you feel an angel fallen from heaven.
These days younger men bicker over who pays for dinner and who should be the first to ask the other out. Silly things that shouldn’t matter have become a big issue in today’s dating culture.
I miss the days when men were chivalrous. I’m not saying men should give up their lives for women (there is no fun in that, obviously), but at least be her night in shining armour. Be there when she needs you out of respect for her. If you take her out to dinner, have the decency to pay the bills.
Younger men are accused of being benevolent sexists when they show kindness to women. Because some feminists believe every act of chivalry leads to chauvinism, but that’s not true.
Both men and women can be chivalrous. When it comes to romance, kindness, or compassion there should be no rules on how we express them. We should be able to do things that make our lovers feel respected and adored.
That she needs your help doesn’t mean she’s too weak to help herself. Holding the door for her doesn’t make her lazy and being romantic doesn’t make you weak.
Older men understand that chivalry isn’t sexist and they practice it to date. When we insist only men should be chivalrous we reinforce gender equality. But if chivalry is consensual, there should be no reason for women to feel abused.
They are more emotionally mature
One of the problems I have with dating younger men is their insecurity. When a guy is immature, he is very conscious about his position in your life. His affection reflects his fears.
A young man will claim he loves you and wants to marry you to keep you from showing interest in other men. He doesn’t want you to be best friends with the opposite sex because he thinks your bestie with be more important to you than him.
And when you fight, he won’t hesitate to accuse you of seeing someone else. Or you stopped caring that’s why you don’t visit as much as you used to.
Older men have a more mature point of view when it comes to solving problems and relationship problems. They have made mistakes, but they learn from them and are unlikely to repeat them. They don’t play silly games and when they are ready to commit to you, they make sure it is a permanent decision.
With age comes the ability to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship. So as a thirty-something-year-old woman looking for flings and no strings, I will always choose men over ten times my age.