It is easy and common to complain about sexual boredom, but nurturing eroticism is an openly rebellious act.

Most of us grow up in sexual silence. We often learn to associate pleasure with guilt and shame and carry that emotion into adulthood.

To feel sexually free, you need to think about yourself without feeling responsible for the well-being of others.

Our emotional and erotic needs differ with individuals. For some, love and desire are inseparable. But for others, they are hopelessly disconnected.

From erotic talks to erotic touches, all sexual activity is a journey for you and your partner. It is a continuous search for sensations, eroticism, and love.

Every word, glance, and touch makes our skin tingle. It’s nature’s way of bringing us together.

Happy couples understand that sex offers a never-ending playground of exploration and excitement.

You may not enjoy sex in the same way other people enjoy sex, but here I will share five erotic ways to tune up your sex life.

You will learn how to turn your partner on from head to toe before getting down to sex. These tips are for couples who feel rejected in the bedroom or have constant low libido.

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1. Leave love notes everywhere

Most men like it when a woman takes the initiative. If you want to make him think about you all day, send him an erotic email, or on his social accounts.

You can also leave love notes in his pockets, his lunchbox, or his work bag, everywhere he will access during the day.

In very specific detail, tell him how much you desire him and what you’ll do to him the minute he comes home.

Sexting is more exciting as you don’t have to be conscious of saying dirty words out loud.

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2. Be involved in activities he loves

Men are not good at expressing their emotional desires but teasing them all day will make them feel loved and appreciated.

A sure way to tease a man is by surprising him. Try doing the activities he loves. If he’s a sports fan, book a ticket for his favorite soccer game and surprise him.

If he likes working out, then doing a couple’s routine will surely build the arousal before you hit the bedroom.

It’s important you choose activities that will make him feel sexy enough to create a dopamine reaction and make them crave sex.

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3. Give him compliments

If the spark in your relationship seems to have fizzled, complimenting each other can rekindle that attraction.

Your man may seem cool and confident and never fish for praise, but underneath, he needs to know you appreciate him and like who he is.

He’ll be thrilled to hear you say, “You look so hot in those jeans,” when he’s dressing up in front of you.

The compliment doesn’t have to be about his physical appearance. You can recognize his personality by saying, “You always make people feel so comfortable when you speak to them, and that turns me on.”

When you compliment your man on the qualities that mean most to him, he will feel like you really get him more than most people do.

4. Make body contacts

Having a partner put their arm around you in public or snuggle up close to you on the couch while watching TV together matters a lot more to you than things like gifts or saying “I love you.”

Whether it’s a kiss, a hug, or a gentle foot massage, body contact triggers the release of certain hormones associated with pleasure and bonding.

If your partner is too engrossed in his thoughts, use more intense touch to prevent him from getting stuck in his head.

You can gently but firmly grab his butt, squeeze his shoulder or scratch his head while planting a kiss on his neck. This will make him feel connected to you.

When couples touch each other, it’s a way of expressing warmth, and it keeps that intimate feeling alive.

5. Share dirty talks

Dirty talk helps arouse and stimulate particular senses that are sometimes overlooked during sex.

When you share dirty talks with your partner, your body comes to terms with your thoughts, imagination, and hearing hence a more erotic experience.

Putting your mouth close to the other person’s ear and saying, “Oh god! that feels so good. I love it when you wrap your tongue around my nipple” is sexier than saying it out loud because he’s listening to you more closely.

However, dirty talks can get daunting if you are new to it. So practice it more by saying how you feel in a slow and sexy tone during a conversation or when you are having sex.

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More on dating

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  6 Hidden Signs Your Man Has Low Value
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  5 Tips to Be More Erotic and Increase Desire in Your Sex Life
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  High Libido in Females: Do Women Have More Sexual Drive Than Men?
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  8 Crazy Ways to Get a Guys Attention without Talking to Him
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  5 Steps to Beat Jealousy in a Relationship
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  5 Signs to Know If Your Girlfriend Is Toxic

I was in an abusive relationship for three years. That was my first experience dating a person with narcissist disorder.

Then, I didn’t know who a narcissist was and how they operated. The relationship started off like any other love intoxicating partnership, then gradually degraded to an emotionally destructive one.

After I left him, I realized just how much of myself I had lost, piece by piece, without even noticing.

Had I not had that experience, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today- confident, happy, and making my own choices by evaluating the situation and choosing what makes me happy.

The lessons from my previous relationships have taught me how to treat people differently based on how they show themselves.

A lot of people live complacent lives. They are confident living other people’s life. They think they have to be someone else to attract who they want. They imitate their friends or family, establish rules and boundaries copied from others.

They do not realize each relationship is different. What worked for your friend or parents may not be conducive to your relationship.

This is why most relationships die untimely deaths. The early stage filled with passion and love only lasts a couple of weeks before the passion fades.

You can be in a relationship with someone for ten years and reignite it, but you just have to know the triggers.

From my observation of most successful relationships, I discovered some life lessons we rarely take about, and with these lessons You Can Love Someone without Getting Hurt in the process.

#1. Choose partners for their values, not physical attractions

Most people get together because they feel attracted to each other and share a few interests.

A couple of weeks or months later, they split, and shortly after that, they meet new people, and the circle continues.

Most relationships fail because we do not choose our partners based on their values.

Relationship values tend to lead towards the happiest, most content couples.

The key values in a relationship are trust, friendship, and faith, including taking responsibility and being loyal to each other.

For example, if you don’t trust your partner, you will constantly worry about their commitment and never feel comfortable with them. You will inevitably drive yourself crazy and scare them away.

Understanding your core values is the road map to navigating a long-term relationship.

Related

• 6 Hidden Signs Your Man Has Low Value
• 5 Tips to Be More Erotic and Increase Desire in Your Sex Life
• High Libido in Females: Do Women Have More Sexual Drive Than Men?
• 8 Crazy Ways to Get a Guys Attention without Talking to Him
• 5 Steps to Beat Jealousy in a Relationship

#2. Have a ‘life together’ and a ‘life apart’ when you are in a relationship

There are two things that just about everyone wants, the time to be with other people and the time to be by themselves.

It’s healthy to have some distance from your partner sometimes.

Spending every second of every day together might sound like it’s good for your relationship, but it really isn’t because you need to both do things for yourself too.

There are things you can do together with your partner, and there are some you just have to do by yourself.

Picking and choosing what to do together and what to do alone can help you minimize potential negative effects and keep your relationship and connection strong.

#3. Don’t expect toxic people change for you

Toxic is a social pejorative term for people consider to be poisonous, negative, controlling, or cruel.

They are usually associated with narcissism. Toxic people will leave you feeling bad: edgy, guilty, confused, frustrated, overextended.

They lack boundaries and ask too much from you, leaving you feeling violated and exhausted.

They make assumptions, expect too much, disregard your objection.

Toxic people never change because they need you to be their fuel source. They often have very few friends, so they will hold on to you tightly.

They may use manipulation, guilt, or crisis to keep you on the hook. Keep in mind that toxic people don’t change themselves, they just change victims.

You need to hold on tight to your boundaries to get them to change. Otherwise, they will end the relationship and find someone else to indulge their negativity.

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#4. A good person doesn’t always equal a good relationship

I once believed good character guaranteed good rapport with others. And that if you are good, you can be with anyone and have a sustainable relationship with them.

Well, that’s a mistake most people make with dating a ‘nice girl’ or ‘nice guy.’ They think being nice is a quality for a good relationship.

Good people are often people pleasers. They are nice to a fault. They disregard their needs but will do everything to ensure others have theirs.

Being too nice can hurt your relationship. The problem with nice people is usually associated with fear of losing, disappointment and anger of people they like.

If you never make it about you, it’s never about. And sometimes, the relationship has to be about you.

Sometimes you have to go to uncomfortable places- get angry, be sad, feel disappointed, and allow your partners to do the same.

To have a healthy and lasting relationship, you need to connect on an intimate level. You both need to let your guard down from time to time.

#5. Old relationship patterns won’t create new relationship results

Some of us carry baggage from our previous relationships over to the new ones.

Previous hurt and pain from family or relationships are why some people develop a negative mindset.

Our own perception of other people clouds our judgment, which can destroy our subsequent relationships.

For example, if you have ever been dumped or abandoned, it may be difficult to open your heart to someone out of fear of that pain.

You need to do the work and heal after a breakup- until you reach a place where you see your behavior and that of your partners in a positive light.

#6. You can’t love without understanding the other person

There is no being perfect. When some people say they want something perfect, they’re just saying they want someone who understands where they’ve been, what they need, and isn’t embarrassed by their flaws.

When someone truly understands you, you become very attached to them.

They can understand you without you speaking a word. Your face literally gives them the context of your mind.

They know how you think about things, how you will react in certain situations.

When someone understands you, they know how to avoid hurting you. They won’t be inconsiderate or make unreasonable demands because they understand how you’ll feel as a result of these things.

They will understand what you want, your vision and your ambitions and they will challenge you to become a better version of yourself.

The only person you need is not the one who loves you, but rather the one who understands you ninety-nine percent of the time.

Trying to force a connection with someone you are not attracted to often leads to disaster.

I was once in a situationship with a guy I loved and respected but I wasn’t attracted to him. We dated for while and it was very awkward.

He was humble, well-cultured, and sarcastic most times but when I think of kissing him, I feel a pit in my stomach.

We have known each of a long time as friends. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, every inch of my muscle screamed “no” but on second thought I was like “we are friends anyway how bad can it be?”

We started sneaking around at first. We kept the relationship on the down low from our friends. I told myself if we keep our relationship private we could make it work.

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Unfortunately, that didn’t help with the awkwardness. Each time he was around me, I found one more reason to stay away from him. Eventually, I couldn’t continue dragging him further when I knew we were heading nowhere considering the efforts he was putting in to make me fall in love with him.

One day, I asked him to meet me at our favorite park. I told him point blank that we weren’t working. That I’m sorry I should have said this in the beginning. He was confused since I never showed any sign of disinterest nor did I ever disrespect him in any way.

He tried to talk me into giving him some time to process his feeling so I told him I was seeing someone else. He got mad and walked out on me saying I should have said so from the start of the conversation.

I lied because that was the only way he could have moved on without feeling guilty or inadequate. I knew he hated me. At least I stopped feeling guilty for deceiving him all the while we dated.

Some of us are in such a messy situation. You love your partner, but you can’t feel the spark between you two. It’s easy for us to blame the other person for the lack of attraction.

But, what if you are not as attractive to them as you think? Attraction goes both ways. Like couples in long-term relationships, you were attracted to each other when you first met, then slowly that attraction begins to fade.

When we stop paying attention to our body, our diet, and our style, the other person may lose their feelings for us. Because what made us attractive is no longer there.

Let’s say you used to wear revealing clothes when you met your partner and after a long time you changed to a more conservative fashion style, which can make you unattractive to your partner. So the problem will be you, not him.

Read more: How to Make Him Fall in Love after a One Night Stand

There is more to attraction than the physical appearance

When stating our requirements for a long-term relationship, most people include traits such as kindness, mutual affection, and intelligence, more than physical attractiveness.

We tend to be drawn to those who are just like us. We’re attracted to people who remind us of our loved ones, either our parents, former lover, or friends.

Subconsciously, our hormones activate due to the fact the individual has triggered a few similarities or resemblances.

Attraction can get the better of us if we aren’t aware of its superficial power. For example, you may be attracted to an aesthetic person, but when you get closer to know them, you discover there’s no emotional or romantic attraction between you two.

Even though a lot of us don’t admit the role physical qualities play in attraction, the glorification of a slender body is one of the striking features we use to define attractiveness.

However, before the 18th century, being fat was an attractive quality because most people were malnourished due to starvation.

We link attraction to physical features like beauty, agility, and fertility. For guys, a girl’s symmetrical face is more appealing. Other elements like deodorants, perfumes, and physical smells can determine if a person is attractive or not.

One study observed that some women are attracted to men who smell like them. While others are attracted to men who have the same smell like their fathers.

Our relationships have a tendency to thrive if we are mindfully aware of how the forces of attraction can work for and against our well-being.

Read more: 3 Steps to Protect Yourself Emotionally in a Relationship

Significance of sexual energy with attraction

There are different types of attraction, and sexual attraction is one of them.

Sexual energy is powerful chemistry that arises between people who want to have sex with each other but can’t act on their feelings for one reason or the other.

Feelings of sexual attraction are applicable to more than just you and the person you are crushing on. It’s palpable to the people around you, too.

Sexual energy is a good thing when you intend to be intimate with someone. The energy gives you an opportunity to flirt, seduce, and mentally prepare yourself to be with the person you are attracted to.

Flirting with someone and having your advances reciprocated can feel liberating and enheartening. It can invite more fun or vibrant pleasurable moments in life.

How to boost your sexual energy

Feeling confident about your appearance is the first step to genuine sex appeal. Fashion gives you an opportunity to express and reflect on what’s happening on the inside.

So invest in how you look — whether that means a visit to a beauty parlor or a new haircut. It’ll change how you feel inside, too.

Touching your body is an excellent way to release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, giving your mind an adrenaline boost. It also helps to de-stress your body from anxiety and worry.

After a hot shower, massage your body with lotion, instead of just rubbing it all over you. You can give yourself a relaxing neck rub too. It makes your skin feel much more alive.

Give yourself a mental break. Sometimes we force ourselves to stay active and work tirelessly until our body breaks down to remind us that we need to take a break.

Stress can trigger negative feelings about ourselves. How you appear depends on the way you feel inside. So cut yourself some slack.

If you don’t have the energy to do anything, give yourself permission to do nothing. Stay home, order pizza, and watch movies all night.

Connecting your mind and body makes you feel sexier than ever. Taking time to understand what you love and what brings you joy relinquishes the thoughts of “what you think” you should love.

Although it’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted, the more you stay true to yourself, the less you seek validation or external approval from others.

Eating healthy meals helps improve your sexual energy. The food you eat is fuel for the body, and the healthier your choices, the more likely the body can utilize it for the energy and cell regeneration it needs.

A healthy eating habit enhances your natural radiance and beauty. When you increase the flow of this vital energy in your body, you naturally and quickly become more energetic, healthier, leaner and happier.

True sex appeal is total confidence that can make you feel smarter, funnier, and better in all areas of your life. The more sexual energy you have, the more confident you are with yourself.

Jumping into a new relationship as quickly as the previous one ends is my psychological form of therapy.

I don’t do breakups so well. I feel broken when I let a breakup linger. I get paranoid and vengeful after a breakup.

There are things I did when my previous relationships ended that I don’t wish to repeat, ever. For some people, rebounds are a bad idea. But for me, it’s a healing mechanism.

A rebound relationship involves someone entering a new relationship before they have moved on from their previous partner, effectively replacing the old partner with a new one.

There is a popular opinion that rebound relationships are doomed to fail. The relationship moves in a rush, leaving the new partner no time to figure out if they have anything in common to build a sustainable partnership.

While this may be true, there are still benefits to be gained from a rebound relationship. The biggest risk is that the new relationship is simply used as a way to avoid emotions and feelings related to the previous one, as was often the case in mine.

The problem here is that these feelings often have a way of working themselves out anyway, creating instability in any new relationship.

Some people may not realize that they are in a rebound relationship until their partner’s unresolved emotions start to unravel. To save yourself any further heartbreak, watch out for these signs that prove that you may be on the wrong side of a rebound.

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They keep things casual

Most people in a rebound relationship would like to take things slow. They may avoid emotional connection because of fear of getting hurt again.

Because the rebounder has no intention to be with you for long. As a result, they will make little effort to facilitate emotional bonding. If the relationship seems extremely casual or is all about sex, you may be just a rebound.

Read related: Why Do Women Date Much Older Men?

They compare you with their exs

You will never get enough of “if it were my ex-girlfriend or wife,” “my ex-boyfriend or husband wouldn’t,” and the likes. The constant comparison between you and their ex can be daunting.

Call me paranoid, this is why I don’t feel uncomfortable dating a man who is friends with his ex. That ‘ish’ between them will somehow get me to react.

If he’s talking about her all the time, even when they are not friends, then there’s a chance he’s still hung up on old feelings.

Read related: 6 Signs Your Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious

They feel unattractive about themselves

Some people will stop caring for their bodies once a relationship ends. They feel there is no one to show off for.

Most rebounders will show signs of emotional instability. They feel inadequate and doubt they are worthy of love and affection. Their low self-esteem can impede your life and destroy intimacy in the relationship.

From my observation and personal experience, rebounders will tell you they are not good enough for you. That you would be better of with a partner serving of you, and that isn’t them. If you hear similar lines like this, that’s a sign the relationship is headed for doom.

Read related: How to Look Classy and Sophisticated on a Low Budget

They display different emotional triggers

Rebounders are on a quest to silence their pain. By getting straight into another relationship without taking time to heal, they become an emotional time bomb. Any little thing can trigger feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, resentment, etc.

When we don’t leave room to develop insight about why a relationship didn’t work, what we did wrong, what were the red flags we ignored, take the time to heal and lick the wounds of our bruised egos, we tend to use our next relationship in unhealthy ways.

If your notice your partner has mood swings regularly, don’t try to pacify them. Allow them to calm down at their own pace before you can talk to them. You should know breakups tend to bring out people’s true character. So if the rebounds display signs of violence, it may be time to check out of the ship.

Read related: 6 Ways to Get Your Boyfriend to Pay Attention to You

They stay emotionally unattached

Don’t you find it strange that you and your partner only contact each other when you’re feeling down and don’t seem to have anything in common outside of your mutual attraction?

They don’t want to know your middle name, anything about your childhood, or that difficult time you went through. They stick to topics that don’t require vulnerability, sensitivity, or care, and most or all of your dates will be spent at home, away from the public eye.

Parting words

If any of these signs reflect in your relationship, ask your self “what do you want from the relationship?”

If your partner is on a rebound, they may not be clear about their intentions. So you should focus on your expectations.

Some people do not have a problem keeping a fling with a rebounder. If you are one of them, then, by all means, give it a ride. You have nothing to lose after all.