Trying to force a connection with someone you are not attracted to often leads to disaster.
I was once in a situationship with a guy I loved and respected but I wasn’t attracted to him. We dated for while and it was very awkward.
He was humble, well-cultured, and sarcastic most times but when I think of kissing him, I feel a pit in my stomach.
We have known each of a long time as friends. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, every inch of my muscle screamed “no” but on second thought I was like “we are friends anyway how bad can it be?”
We started sneaking around at first. We kept the relationship on the down low from our friends. I told myself if we keep our relationship private we could make it work.
Unfortunately, that didn’t help with the awkwardness. Each time he was around me, I found one more reason to stay away from him. Eventually, I couldn’t continue dragging him further when I knew we were heading nowhere considering the efforts he was putting in to make me fall in love with him.
One day, I asked him to meet me at our favorite park. I told him point blank that we weren’t working. That I’m sorry I should have said this in the beginning. He was confused since I never showed any sign of disinterest nor did I ever disrespect him in any way.
He tried to talk me into giving him some time to process his feeling so I told him I was seeing someone else. He got mad and walked out on me saying I should have said so from the start of the conversation.
I lied because that was the only way he could have moved on without feeling guilty or inadequate. I knew he hated me. At least I stopped feeling guilty for deceiving him all the while we dated.
Some of us are in such a messy situation. You love your partner, but you can’t feel the spark between you two. It’s easy for us to blame the other person for the lack of attraction.
But, what if you are not as attractive to them as you think? Attraction goes both ways. Like couples in long-term relationships, you were attracted to each other when you first met, then slowly that attraction begins to fade.
When we stop paying attention to our body, our diet, and our style, the other person may lose their feelings for us. Because what made us attractive is no longer there.
Let’s say you used to wear revealing clothes when you met your partner and after a long time you changed to a more conservative fashion style, which can make you unattractive to your partner. So the problem will be you, not him.
Read more: How to Make Him Fall in Love after a One Night Stand
There is more to attraction than the physical appearance
When stating our requirements for a long-term relationship, most people include traits such as kindness, mutual affection, and intelligence, more than physical attractiveness.
We tend to be drawn to those who are just like us. We’re attracted to people who remind us of our loved ones, either our parents, former lover, or friends.
Subconsciously, our hormones activate due to the fact the individual has triggered a few similarities or resemblances.
Attraction can get the better of us if we aren’t aware of its superficial power. For example, you may be attracted to an aesthetic person, but when you get closer to know them, you discover there’s no emotional or romantic attraction between you two.
Even though a lot of us don’t admit the role physical qualities play in attraction, the glorification of a slender body is one of the striking features we use to define attractiveness.
However, before the 18th century, being fat was an attractive quality because most people were malnourished due to starvation.
We link attraction to physical features like beauty, agility, and fertility. For guys, a girl’s symmetrical face is more appealing. Other elements like deodorants, perfumes, and physical smells can determine if a person is attractive or not.
One study observed that some women are attracted to men who smell like them. While others are attracted to men who have the same smell like their fathers.
Our relationships have a tendency to thrive if we are mindfully aware of how the forces of attraction can work for and against our well-being.
Read more: 3 Steps to Protect Yourself Emotionally in a Relationship
Significance of sexual energy with attraction
There are different types of attraction, and sexual attraction is one of them.
Sexual energy is powerful chemistry that arises between people who want to have sex with each other but can’t act on their feelings for one reason or the other.
Feelings of sexual attraction are applicable to more than just you and the person you are crushing on. It’s palpable to the people around you, too.
Sexual energy is a good thing when you intend to be intimate with someone. The energy gives you an opportunity to flirt, seduce, and mentally prepare yourself to be with the person you are attracted to.
Flirting with someone and having your advances reciprocated can feel liberating and enheartening. It can invite more fun or vibrant pleasurable moments in life.
How to boost your sexual energy
Feeling confident about your appearance is the first step to genuine sex appeal. Fashion gives you an opportunity to express and reflect on what’s happening on the inside.
So invest in how you look — whether that means a visit to a beauty parlor or a new haircut. It’ll change how you feel inside, too.
Touching your body is an excellent way to release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, giving your mind an adrenaline boost. It also helps to de-stress your body from anxiety and worry.
After a hot shower, massage your body with lotion, instead of just rubbing it all over you. You can give yourself a relaxing neck rub too. It makes your skin feel much more alive.
Give yourself a mental break. Sometimes we force ourselves to stay active and work tirelessly until our body breaks down to remind us that we need to take a break.
Stress can trigger negative feelings about ourselves. How you appear depends on the way you feel inside. So cut yourself some slack.
If you don’t have the energy to do anything, give yourself permission to do nothing. Stay home, order pizza, and watch movies all night.
Connecting your mind and body makes you feel sexier than ever. Taking time to understand what you love and what brings you joy relinquishes the thoughts of “what you think” you should love.
Although it’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted, the more you stay true to yourself, the less you seek validation or external approval from others.
Eating healthy meals helps improve your sexual energy. The food you eat is fuel for the body, and the healthier your choices, the more likely the body can utilize it for the energy and cell regeneration it needs.
A healthy eating habit enhances your natural radiance and beauty. When you increase the flow of this vital energy in your body, you naturally and quickly become more energetic, healthier, leaner and happier.
True sex appeal is total confidence that can make you feel smarter, funnier, and better in all areas of your life. The more sexual energy you have, the more confident you are with yourself.
