Do you know when your partner comments on a model or celebrity’s photo and you feel your temper boiling inside?
My guy friend has threatened to end his eight weeks relationship because his girlfriend is jealous and controlling. He said he cannot be with someone who doesn’t trust him.
She bugs him every minute — when he’s at work, shopping, or out with friends. His supervisor has suspended him twice for neglecting the basics of his job and showing up late.
She is seen with him everywhere. Go to his social accounts, her comments are everywhere. Sometimes, she’s either harassing or confronting his friends, both males and females.
She insisted he changes his dp with her photo, but he refused. He wants his privacy, and that is what his social accounts are for.
But she’s too paranoid and thinks his male friends were brainwashing him and backstabbing her. They’ve stopped coming over to their place because she makes them uncomfortable.
He is doing everything he can to prove he’s a ‘one-woman-man,’ but his girlfriend is too suspicious of everyone, and he has had enough.
Most of us get jealous when our partner diverts their attention to someone else. And when they do, we feel a need to react.
Jealous tendencies can pop up in other situations, too. Not just in romantic relationships.
One study found that women are more prone than men to get jealous of their employers’ physical attractiveness.
The same study revealed that both men and women experience jealousy when their employers appear more socially successful.
Wherever your jealousy stems from or whom you feel it for, it’s important you understand why you feel that way and learn to control it.
Jealousy as a survival mechanism
From an evolutionary perspective, the purpose of jealousy has always been to motivate us to take action to ensure our survival and the survival of our children.
Our friends and family help us survive, reproduce and do what we want to do in our daily life.
Feeling jealous can be a sign that someone else is putting your relationship at risk. And at that point, you may have to do something to save that relationship or realize you can get what you’re benefiting from the relationship elsewhere.
It can be useful if you recognize the feelings and respond in a way that helps you address a problem or something you are struggling with in a relationship.
Jealousy isn’t necessarily bad, but it might be a sign of a problem in a relationship and, if not controlled, can result in irreversible consequences.
So how do we get our jealousy under control?
See them for what they really are, fear.
Feeling jealous is completely normal when you care about someone deeply. But when you take a closer look at your feelings, you will realize jealousy is deep-rotted in fear.
You are afraid you will lose the relationship. You are afraid you are not enough. You fear they might hurt and betray you. So your anger, anxiety, and insecurities rise up because you are trying to protect yourself.
If you want to get rid of feeling jealous, you will have to move from a place of insecurity to a place of love. And not just love for yourself but that of other people too.
Uncover the root of your jealousy
When you are feeling jealous, ask yourself, “why are you feeling this way?” Most times, you will notice that your feelings are rooted in fear of loss or that you are not enough.
For example, if you see your partner talking to someone or chatting with them on social media, your mind tricks you into believing you are going to lose them because you are not good enough for them.
To overcome your jealous tendencies, try to understand where the jealousy is coming from and what can be done to lessen it.
Reconstruct your mindset
Now that you have identified the root cause of your jealousy. The next step will be to reconstruct what your mind is telling you.
When we feel jealous, we are quick to accept the emotion by saying, “I feel jealous,” or “I’m jealous of this person.” You need to reconstruct this mindset. Instead of saying “I’m feeling jealous,” say something like, “A part of me is feeling jealous.”
Because even if you are feeling jealous at that moment, it’s just a part of you that is feeling that way, not all of you.
Discuss these emotions with your partner
Lack of communication creates distance in the relationship. And when that distance is created, it is usually difficult for the couple to be open about their emotions.
They worry that the other person won’t understand. They fear the other person will get angry and stir up a fight, or worst, they might be rejected if they speak up.
But before you discuss your jealous tendencies with your partner, be clear about what you intend to experience in the relationship that isn’t there.
Also, believe in how you want to feel.
Believe in yourself if you need to feel worthy, sexy, or beautiful. You can set a daily mantra to remind you how beautiful and worthy you are.
Because if you don’t believe in yourself first, no amount of attention your partner gives you will be enough to make you feel loved or beautiful.
Healing jealously through meditation
Jealousy almost always has a deeper-rooted emotion behind it.
It can be a manifestation of fear: that we’re not enough — attractive or interesting. That we don’t fit in, that other people or things are more important to someone than we are.
Unhealthy attachments to people, places, and things cause us to live in a constant state of false control and fear that we might lose the person we desire.
Whatever the root of your jealousy is, with meditation, you can learn more about yourself and better understand where your feelings of jealousy come from.
By moving inward through daily mindful practices, you get in touch with some of the deeper issues framing your jealous tendencies.
You learn to live your life freely, detached from the outcome of your actions, and be at peace with yourself.
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