As humans, we often rate our worth based on how other people see us. We think our values need to be approved before we can feel them in ourselves.
The reason we often seek approval for our worth is low self-esteem. This feeling of inferiority stems from many factors.
Some are related to your natural personality, while others are related to external influences such as your upbringing, past relationships, education, and work-life.
As these build upon each other over time, there is a growing need to seek the approval of others for almost everything we do or say.
If you feel negative about yourself or your life to the extent that it affects your functioning, I recommend that you consult a therapist.
However, if your low self-esteem is the reason you avoid relationships, identifying the root cause of your fears can help you build up your self-esteem.
Major fears affecting your relationship
It’s easy to advise someone to face their fears, but in reality, it’s much harder than it looks.
Fear of relationships can result from years of buried anxiety and childhood trauma, which aren’t quite simple to stand up to and overcome.
However, it is important to realize that these fears are common and you are not the only one experiencing them.
Your fears can manifest themselves in many ways throughout your relationship. Therefore, how you recognize your fears and overcome them helps build self-confidence and sustainable relationships.
But, before you start making a move on a man, here are the four main fears you must overcome.
Fear of commitment is one of the most common factors on the list of fears in a relationship.
Your commitment issues may prompt you to reject the opportunity to pursue a more stable, intimate arrangement, such as moving in together or getting married.
If you notice you are holding back, making excuses for not accepting his invitation to a date, or meeting his friends and family, this can be a sign of commitment issues.
Fear of speaking out in your relationship. Most women are afraid to speak their minds in a relationship because they are afraid their partner will leave them for alienating them or to avoid conflict.
Not being able to express yourself, and not feeling heard, or understood can affect your professional life and relationship.
You won’t always agree with your partner, but if he values your worth, he will appreciate your honesty.
Fear of rejection in relationships is perhaps the most common fear there is and many of us nod and smile away when we’d rather be articulating what’s not working for us and what we really need.
Ultimately, this will lead to resentment and be corrosive to the relationship. You need to either speak up or figure out ways of dealing with rejection.
Fear of infidelity is a common one amongst single ladies. Some women develop trust issues after being cheated on in their previous relationships.
This fear isn’t necessarily paranoia, but it does need to be dealt with, whether or not you decide to walk away after a betrayal.
How to be a better woman for your man
Most men are attracted to highly confident women. How much you feel you are worth and deserve, can play a big role in the type of men you attract.
If you never attract a high-caliber boyfriend, then it’s possible you never invested in growing yourself as a woman. Because men of high standards can sense the inconsistent energy of a woman who is faking it.
To attract the man of your dreams, consider these steps below carefully.
Be ready to make sacrifices for him
We like it when men make sacrifices for us. So as his woman, you must be ready to do the same for him.
If you want the man to trust you have his best interest at heart, you should be able to sacrifice some of your needs for his.
I know some women like to be selfish. Well, that attitude won’t encourage him to stay with you for the long haul.
Show him you are kind and patient
Men are a pain in the ass, no doubt. They can test your limits to see if you can tolerate them as much as their mum does.
As the woman in his life, you will have to keep your working pants on. Because you are not just his lover, you are his best friend, his mother, and his closest confidant.
Your kindness will forgive all his wrongs, while your patience will keep him coming back, even when he feels lost.
You need to make him feel connected to you and open up when something is bothering him. He needs to know he can count on you no matter how many headaches he puts you through.
Maintain a healthy boundary to accommodate him
Since boundaries are our rules for relationships and really how we live our lives, it’s important to make sure we’re maintaining healthy limits — which both protect us and permit intimacy.
The problem is most women adhere to strict boundaries to the point they become too bossy. They feel like no one really understands them because they don’t open up to others.
They can’t relate to others, either, because they squash any attempts by their partner to share things with them.
Men feel safe in relationships with healthy boundaries. Having boundaries can actually bring you closer to him because they are set through open communication.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable around him
Vulnerability these days is a tough deal. Feminist women are tearing down their soft spots and putting up bridges to avoid looking weak.
Men, on the other hand, are taking their masculinity down a notch in order to feel their soft sides.
I’m a die-hard feminist, so I get why women think it’s necessary to be more manly. However, I do know both men and women need their feminine traits if we are to foster a healthy relationship.
Your femininity is not a weakness. Be proud of your feminine prowess because that’s what keeps the connection flowing in the relationship.